’Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse;
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that engagement rings soon would be there;
My partner was nestled all snug in their bed;
While visions of wedding cake danced in their heads;
With me in my Shrek pajamas and them with their CPAP,
Had just settled our brains for a long winter’s nap,
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like The Flash,
Peered out the curtain and turned off MASH
In my driveway, just like hocus pocus, appeared a bright red 2008 Ford Focus
With a little old driver so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment he must be St. Nick
More rapid than eagles, out his doors they came:
The planner, the photographer, the seamstress, and florist,
Now cakemaker, now DJ, officiant, and decorist
To the window, to the wall, the one thing we’re missing
Is the One Ring to rule them all…
As I drew in my head and was turning around
Down the chimney St. Nicholas came with a bound.
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And filled all the stockings; then turned with a jerk
Laid a tiny box underneath the tree,
Bearing a sparkly ring for the world to see
He sprang to his small car, and they all took flight toward the North Star
But I heard him exclaim ere he drove out of sight,
“Happy engagement to you, and to all a good night!”